An Infuriating Day

The waves of emotion and the chains of thought whip each other into a frenzy. How is it that we have come to this? Why must it be this way? Which of my beliefs were wrong? Which of my trusts did I misplace? Who or what is to blame? Why must every effort fail? Why must luck never be on my side? Why does this universe mock and conspire against me? What did I do to bring this? Against what can I lash out? What retribution would it bring?

Swinging wildly between abject despair and unbound rage, I pause. Whether it’s a voice that speaks to me or one that I insert doesn’t matter; I listen:

There is always hope. Keep your faith. The tide can change in an instant. You’ve lived long enough to experience sudden loss as well as unexpected gain. Good things are in the works, moving in their own time. If you’re clouded this way, you may miss them altogether. Today, we are healthy. Today, we have a roof and we have food. The air is cool, the sun is bright, and there’s coffee and tea to sip outside. You will be sad later having squandered a beautiful day this way; after all, if you get what you’re asking for, days like this may be few and far between. Who knows?

“Who knows?” indeed.

Surrender. Do what you can, fine, but surrender. If nothing else, appreciate the beauty of being alive and accept the gift of this day. Maybe, just maybe, the universe conspires to bring you peace.

By Joe

Puzzle Wrestler & Mountain Herder. Math & Computer Nerd since the 80s. Longtime linux (current debian, ubuntu, raspian, centos, gentoo), currently fighting feebsd. Over-complicates networks for fun, occasionally secures them for profit. Develops own tools & services (cli, web services, and lately some android). Degrees in Math, Belts in Aikido. Zen, Motorcycle, Ham Radio, Homebrew (Ale, not Radio), Coffee & Tea, some Mandolin & Fiddle, MDA Advocacy (son with Duchenne), …

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